This is hilarious

Thanks to fdnysquad18.com for this story-
for you sickos out there there are no pictures:



THOUGHT YA HEARD IT ALL - BOX # 489 - CABRINI MED CENTER
Monday, April 18, 2005
While standing IFO quarters, admiring the spectacular late afternoon weather, Sq 18 responded to an assist civilian call, which is one you probably will not read about In Fire Engineering, but one you might read about someday in an erotic magazine.
Just after roll call we received a phone call in quarters which we thought to be a hoax. The voice on the other end announced himself as the Lt. of Ladder 7, and was requesting assistance with the removal of a ring. A call often, and routinely handled by a Squad company, and the ladder companies.
I asked him if he had a ring cutter, he did, but said it would not cut through this ring, as it was quite thick, and it was NOT on someone’s hand. I asked where it was, almost knowing the answer, before they said it.
Not believing the call, I hung up. The phone rang back, the officer announced himself anxiously, and said he needed Sq 18 assistance. They were in the process of attempting to use the Whizzer Saw, and he asked for any advice.
Having 21 yrs in the FD advice is something that I, Capt Tom O’Brien, feel I can and do routinely. Initially I had none, as much of what we do is based on past experiences, drills etc. The officer explained the situation, providing me with more details than I cared for, but was necessary for “SIZE UP”. We recommended the use of a metal object, possibly a spoon, to be placed between the skin and “ring”, for (fore) protection from the blade. A recommendation was also made to keep the area from heating up, due to the rapid vibration of the tool, which could further complicate, or enhance the situation. We both thought that taking a ride to the scene would be best.
While responding, the consideration of the use of the Dremel tool, which is smaller and easier to handle in tight delicate spots, would be a good idea. Entering the Emergency room area, the look on the faces of Hospital staff, and members of Ladder 7, were full of amazement. As we approached and got a slightly closer look, we determined that the Dremel tool would not be as effective on this particular ring.
The “ring” was placed around the entire genital and groin area, flush to hairline, (sorry no photos) for this article. You will have to provide your own blackboard drawing for future drills.
It was apx. ¾ inch wide and ½ in thick. The diameter was approx 3” wide and made of brass. The officer of ladder 7 determined the best Firefighter for this task, the junior man, as he had not had the opportunity to use this tool before, ladder 7’s boss, felt this would be a valuable training opportunity for this member.
Using ladder 7’s whizzer saw, the firefighter carefully made two cuts while another member sprayed water around the heated area. The intern maneuvered the ring to assist the cutting operation. As soon as sparks were seen, the cut was stopped.
Upon completion of the second cut, the ring could be removed. Although the area was extremely swollen and irritated, the civilian was extremely relieved, and appeared pleased with the manner in which the problem was handled.
As with all FD operations, a critique of the situation was held, and lessons learned for future operations. There must always be a first for everything, you must utilize past experiences and adjust them to the unusual, and non- routine type situations you may encounter in your career.